Wednesday, December 9, 2009

hello everyone

hey everyone. Sorry i havent posted in months.
I've been having alot of troubles lately
not just with ana but with life
ana and i went through a mesy break up a few months back.
but inevitably we have found eachother again. I know that at the end of the day she is the only one that is truely there for me.
i'm ending a 3 day fast adn im down to 115.0 lbs.

I'll give a more detailed blog in a few days. i jsut dont have a whole lot of time on ym hands right now
i love you are so dearly
stay skinny.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

10-9-09 Getting Better

so i really have mixed feelings about getting better.
My heartburn is gone
but i have to eat 2 small meals a day because of te medication.

i dont know what to do.

on the plus side i may have celiacs disease... which may seem wierd that that is on the plus side.. but if it is true i will basically have to cut most carbs out of my diet... and since i am a vegetarian that means mostly friuts and veggies.

current weight : 122.2 (ughh)

currently watching: Trashy Lifetime movies (love it!)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

10-7-09 Tests Tests and more Tests

So my mom schedualed some doctors appointments and they are going to run a shit load of tests.

I have to drink that barium stuff so that they can x-ray my intestines and then i might have to have like a camera or somehting down my throat but hopefully not.

and i really have mixed feelings about it. because i want to get better and i know they can help fix whatever it is that is fucked up in my stomach
but at the same time i am scared of what they might find.
My family has a history of lots of fucked up genetic disorders and stuff.
i dont want this to turn out to be something i will have to maintain my whole life.

I just want to get in, get out, and get on with it.

anyway. still watching the scale but im not cracking down on fasting since that just makes my pain so much worse. I am deffinatly watching my food intake though.

it helps that the high calorie and high fat foods upset my stomach so that is just more motivation not to eat them.
i've basically been living of of rice cakes and oatmeal for 2 weeks. very balnd . but it helps my stomach more than any ofthe medication they give me.

Oh and i dont know if i already mentioned this.
I got 2 gerbils.
i was feeling really down after my pet chicken, alannah was killed
so my mom let me adopt 2 gerbils.
they are 2 little boys their names are hanni (who is white) and Jack (who is all black except a stripe down his chin and neck and his 2 front paws)

hanni is a blast. he will jsut fall asleep if you pat is forehead
but jack doesnt like me very much yet. I think it is because he is so young, he is younger than hanni and more active and he just doesnt like being help.

but i am earning his trust.
Their favorite food is sunflower seeds so i feed those to them in my hand and they are so cute when they eat.

anyway.. enough about my pets haha

currently watching: America's Next Top Model

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Okay so i dont know why i have been so sick lately but i have.

about 2 weeks ago i started getting massive heartburn which was odd to me because i wasnt eating anything.

So it has been getting progressively worse over the past 2 weeks and finally on wednasday night i woke up screaming in pain at like midnight because of the pain in my chest from heartburn.
I took a shit load of tums and stuff but it wasnt helping so i eventually had to eat some crackers to just like push everything back down. And the next morning i was in so much pain that i was throwing up.

I went to the doctor and they said that they dont knopw whats wrong. It's probably reflux but none of the medication they are perscribng for that has been helping. tums arent helping , pepto's not helping.

and then sunday night I has experiencing so much pressure in my chest from the heartburn that i was having trouble breathing so my dad brought me to the emergency room and they gave me some stuff to numb my throat .. and it did. but i was still having trouble breathing, which obviously hurts.

and now they are telling me that i need to eat small portions of food atleast every hour durring the day to help push everything down... and i can tell you that that just isnt happening.

I havent been able to on the ABC diet for about a week and a half to 2 weeks so the scale is telling me bad things

Current weight: roughly 122.

so thats 2 pounds up since 2 weeks ago ...

uhh okay anyway so sorry i havent posted in 2 weeks, i really havent even been able to move around.

it is a month into school and i have missed atleast 4 or 5 days already so im hoping this stomach thing will just go away so i dont miss anymore.

Currently watching : The Biggest Loser

Sunday, September 27, 2009

9-27-09 ;; 6 followers wtf


uhgg school has been shit. This flu thing istn going away and i feel so run down
i"ve missed like 4 1/2 days of school but managed to go back t school for like 1 1/2 days in there and then was out sick for another 1 1/2 days.

I have so much shit that i have to make up.
and you know what just bugs me is that the teachers all want you to come in as soon as possible to make up the work and they all think that their class is like more important to all other classes so they get mad when you are making up something else instead of something from tehir class.
well fuck them.

the good part about this flu is that i have had NO appetite for like a week and a half now so im down another pound or so.

Current Weight: 120.5 (yess!)

only 5.5 lbs away from my goal weight. of 115.

When i get down to 115 it will have been over six months since the last time i weighed that much so i am super psyched.

im like starving myself for the home stretch. GAH!
thats probably not doing much for my flu though... all this lack of nutrition.

whatever it is so worth it,

I am starting to get those like ribs showing on the top of my chest. I was so psyched!
and you can see all the bones in my spine now.

but im not getting ahead of myself here am i?
im still fat as hell.
as soon as i get all this damn work made up and my seasonal job ends its going to be

amber + stationary bike for likie 2 weeks straight. these nasty cellulite thunder thighs have GOT TO GO.

starve on ladies!

Currently Listening To: Secret Valentine by Sparks The Rescue

Monday, September 21, 2009

9-21-09 I keep disappearing on you

OKay so sorry i keep like not blogging?

things have been so hectic since school started
and i just got this attrocious flu, ive been like down for the count for like 5 days now and i almost went to the emergency room on saturday because my heart was just freaking out because of this goddamn flu.

anyway im feeling better now i even went to work and school today.

The good news??
current weight: 121.2


also my pet chicken died. she was the best pet ever. seriously no animal has ever loved me as much as that girl. She used to follow me around everywhere... and i mean everywhere.
a cayote or a large fox broke into her coop durring the night
shemust have been sound asleep and not even known what happened.
for those of you that dont know, chickens are very sound sleepers. VERY sound.

i just hope she didnt suffer.
but i've been feeling really depressed because of it.

seriously, get a chicken, you wouldnt think of it but they are very nice domestic pets if you have enough room outside for them.

i guess i was so attatched to her because she was rejected by her flock or whatever you call a group of chickens, and i had to raise her from just a weeks old.
and she had a deformity in her beek which kpt her from eating normally so i would have to make this cornmeal mash stuff every day for her so she could eat.

i know it sounds crazy
but i really did love that damn chicken.

if i ever felt like eating i would just go outside and walk around with her for a bit and the hunger pangs just went away

sorry im rambling on about a chicken? haha.


sorry for being MIA
hopefully it will be back to blogging every day now so make sure you look for my blogs!!

love you all!

currently listening to: Help, I'm Alive by Metric

On a side note. i saw that new movie with Megan Fox its called Jennifers Body.
Dont go see it unless you are desperate to lose your appetite... that movie is just bunch of sexed up blood and guts and it is VVVEERRYY VERY graphic as far as killing scenes and the blood and stuff so it is deffintaly not for the faint of heart.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

9-15-09 Where have i been?

Sorry i havent posted a blog in like the past few days .. again.
I've really been having a hard time balancing work and school and schoolwork... and sadly ana as well.

I think i am back up to 124 maybe? thats what my scale says but i am skeptical that it is entirely accurate.

I pigged out today.
I ate like a handful of frenchfriend and a few bites of ziti pasta with tomato sauce. Z

I was absolously stuffed afterwards but i know it wasnt that much food.

i still felt aweful since they were carbs and i cried for like 10 minutes after i ate it .

I have decided to start a 2 week fast.. possibly onger after the first 2 weeks is up, but we'll see how that goes.

I was inspired by these thinspo videos that i found on Fazz's blog.

also type into youtube "Suppersize vs. superskinny" its a british teevision series so if you live in the UK you probaly know of it. The show has a lot of great diet tips and is actualy also very entertaining. Also i believe it is the final episode of season 1 that features an interview with Isabelle Caro who is that woman featured in the "No Anorexia" ads for Milan Fashion Week.

anyway this has been a long enough blog. so i am going to head out because i need to catch a few winks.

currently listening to: Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Saturday, September 12, 2009

9-12-09 Grandparents Visiting

So after a breakfast of 2 ricecaks with strawberry jelly to jumpstart my metabolism today i have been fasting all day. Its now 6:00 pm. My grandparents are comming down and they always bring homemade douhghnuts so i am going to eat some doughnuts (i know its bad but i only eat them like 2 or 3 times a year so i consider it a little treat).
And i will be fasting for the next 2 or 3 days.

just a quicky blog for now. i do want to add though

this is a site that i am looking at. It has negative calorie recipes and such so check it out if you are interested.

Friday, September 11, 2009

9-11-09 We Will Never Forget

So sorry this is going to be a short blog. I have already decided. But im just so tired.
I have been tired all day long.. i as falliong asleep durring 5th period so durring lunch i had to eat some barbs which i felt bad about but i had to stay awake and my school doesnt sell coffee or redbull for that matter

Current weight: 122.8
but i weighed myself before i went to the bathroom so its probably more around 122.5 or something

Fasting tomorrow and probably sleeping most of the day to keep myself out of the cupboards.

Night all.
Stay Hungry

Thursday, September 10, 2009

9-10-09 renaming my blog?

Thinking of renaming my blog. let me know what you think of these

Life with ana
Diary of Ana
Confessions of Ana
Current Weight: Ana
Ana and Amber

let me know

9-10-09 So yesterday was lucky afterall

I woke up this morning and got on the scale...
Current Weight: 122.8 (!!!)
i havent seen that numbr all summer

I guess 9-9-09 was a lucky day after all

I went over to the mirror and arched my back. could see every glorious rib and back bone.

At work it was so slow so i sat there with my back arched. writing my homework with one hand and feeling my ribs and my back bones with the other.
I havent seen them this prominent in a very long time... maybe its just cuz im loosing this weight around my mid section? idk its hard to tell thse days.

well i hope there is more weight loss to come

I am drinking about a liter and a half a day of water per day. I found a waterbottle that was a liter and a half so i just fill it in the morning and drink it all day long.

Todays total calorie intake was about 100.. maybe a little less.. i didnt finish all the food. I had a frozen strawberry popsicle thing. It didnt htast good at all... but i suppose that was the point haha.

I asked my boss for less hours.
im down to 16 hours next week now as opposed to 25 this week and 40 the week before.
Its totally stellar because now i have time for friends and stuff... i need to go tanning..... i didnt get sun all summer and i am paler than a ghost. Maybe i will go this weekend since i have the whole weekend off (YESSS!!!) im am super psyched about that. but i dont know what i will do with myself since i work so often

my only challenge about this weekend is that I dont know if i will be able to stay away from eating... i dont want to fall back into my summer pattern of just eating because there was nothing else to do.. i have to find a way to keep myself busy this weekend somehow. (any suggestions)
Hopefully ana will be by my side

Currently Listening to: My dryer again ... (what is up with people doing laundry so late at night in this house)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

9-9-09 Lucky

So 9-9-09 is supposed to be some sort of lucky day as far as astronomics goes or something like that.
we'll see tomorrow when i step on the scale... if today brought me luck then tomorrow should bring me smaller numbers on my scale! im hoping for the best.

Today My boyfriend and i went to see Inglorious Bastards.
Very Historically inaccurate... but it still kicked ass. it was hella helarious. If you havent seen it yet i fully reccomend going to see it. It is very gorey... atleast in my opinion... deffinatly made me lose any appetite i had.

Things are going well in school. had my first major test in chemistry H today... which im pretty sure i did well on
and i have 2 quizzes (possibly 3? not sure) tomorrow so ... fun stuff is happening in the studying deppartment.

Current Weight: 124.4 lbs.
I did cave durring lunch and eat a handful of carrots but i made sure to sit next to my friend that always eats my food. so she had some too.

Currently Listening to: My freaking noisy ass washing machine... who needs clean tennis shoes at 10:15 at night?

Keep thinking this ladies

"If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you
back on solid ground."
-Kryptonite, 3 Doors Down

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

9-8-09 Bad Day

So my day pretty much sucked
I was comforted by my growling stomach but right now that seems to be my only silver lining to life.

I am working way too many hours at work
and dont have enough off time for homework and such

and my parents keep forgetting to call my school and have me let out early so i can go to therapy appointments which i cant go to after school because of work.

but enough complaining.

aanyway... didnt weigh myself this morning because i was in a huge rush. so i dont have a current weight for today.. oh well.

so sorry this is such a short blog but im super tired from school and work.

think thin ladies!

currently listening to: Curse of Curves by Cute is What We Aim For

"And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me"
-Jesus of Suburbia, Greenday

Monday, September 7, 2009


So Today i squeezed into my SIZE 0 skinny jeans!!!

i dont know how this happened...
but they are still really tight so i am waiting for them to become loose.
but i got them on right? that counts for something.

oh and i died my hair. It used to be blondish but now it is a darker brown color.

i finished my full course of anti biotics this morning so i am good to go for a fast. (Finally!)

wish me luck!

anyway sorry this is a quick blog today cuz i gotta go to work at 4.

Currently Watching: Lifetime Movie Network

Sunday, September 6, 2009


And also a quick Thank You to all of you.
You have been such an inspiration to me this past month with my new blog and thank you to those of you who continued to follow me from my old blog.

and a special shout out to Ana's Girl
she has been such an inspiration and her blog is absoloutly wonderful. I relate to it so well. I love the way she does those stories. Her's is always the first blog that i look at when i log on. So if you havent yet. Check out her blog.

Thanks so much ladies.
Keep thinking thin.

9-6-09 almost 9-7-09 happy labour day

Hello all.
So im getting back on track with the blogging. I hope i havent lost too many of you.
My uti is getting better. The meds are still turning my pee red. Its actually kind of funny because the first time i peed after taking it i was like WTF!! ... i thought i was dieing of something ... turns out there is just some weirdo die in the pills they gave me haha.

aanyway enough about my bathroom trips.

Now for my fail story of the day...
i stepped on my Wii Fit... now if you dont have one of these... get one. they are friggin awesome. The have personal trainers that motivate you and work out plans and they weigh you and give you a bmi... not to mention that they are super duper fun.

i havent done a body scan on it in like a year... i have gained 11.2 pounds since the last time i did... 11.2 lbs?!?!?! wtf... i told my mom and her jaw literally dropped. I'm not kidding. her mouth opened and she was like "OMG AMBER!"

so after my antibiotics are all gone and i have finished the course i am fasting all day every day .. (whats new.. another empty promise)

i am so fat its disgusting... i had to buy a size 3 pants the other day...
and i out them on and the button litteraly flew across the room... it popped off my pants adn flew across the room...
i didnt eat for a day and a half...

ahh 124.4 ... when is this number going to get lower...
and i went to the doctor and she tells me i am 5' 8.5" not 5' 7" so i guess that brings my bmi down a little bit... but that doesnt make me skinnier... i am still 27% for weight in my age group.

9-6-09 MIA

Sorry that I have been MIA for the past week. School just started and I am already swamped.
a full load of classes 3 of which are honors. I dont know how i am going to do this all year.

current weight: 124.4

I have gained a bit of weight back becaused i am off the ana life style for 3 days.. i have a uti and have to take the medication 2 times daily with a full meal. If i dont the antibiotics make me really sick and this UTI hurts really badly. I figure after the uti is gone i will just fast and work out like crazy.

I am also going to start training this winter for a triathlon with my mother.

Sorry this is kind of a short blog. i've just been so swamped the last few days and now this uti thing. I just am feeling so run down you know.

and then on top of all that i feel like i have let you guys down by not blogging for the past week. I know that i usually blog like 2 or 3 times a day. WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME!!!


Currently watching: The Break-up

Monday, August 31, 2009


Finally a successfull fasting day. It seems like lately the universe doesnt want me to be thin.

So it actually wasnt a bad day... i got on the scale this morning ang guess what?

same a yesterday...
i though that it would be more .. but iguess not i was very pleasantly surprised.
but i cant help but think ... if i hadnt had to break my fast would i have lost any weight?

oh well.
atleast it wasnt a step back. so i guess i'll take it.

im going to hook up my trainer ( stationary bike) tomorrow and it was a computer to show me calories burned (yey!)

Sorry this post is kind fo short.

its late and i am tired from working all day again =P

Listening to: Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon

Sunday, August 30, 2009

8-30-09 UHGG.. Please slit my throat... please

So today was SUPPOSED to be a fast... but that didnt work out. My boyfriend and i went to the mall to get him school clothes and such.

he made me eat a soft pretzel... (300+ cals?)
an oreo milk shake... i "spilled" it
he took me out to dinner.
i got out of eating breadsticks...
ordered minestrone (100% veggie friendly) so that wasnt so bad

but then came the main course...
he ordered for us while i was in the bathroom


pasta? wtf mate?
i dont want that.
i didnt want any food... although i should admit i was feeling very light headed at the mall. after walking no stop for literally 2 hours i was starting to get tunnel vision really bad and had to sit down... thats when he made me eat the pretzel...

I am probably going to have an aweful scale moment tomorrow...
though good news
i am off my period so NO MORE BLOATING
so thats good. i bloat so bad.

and speaking of PMS

today was the big day. i started my birth control .. i took it around 9 because thats when i usually take all of my other pills. and thank god birth control doesnt need to be taken with food.
i really hop it doesnt make my boobs bigger. like i am praying.

so since My boyfriend absoloutly sabotaged my fast...
no more food for the rest of the week.
every day will be a fast.
i swear to god i will starve off that fettuchini if it kills me

i will be beautiful
i will be thin

8-30-09 Shopping

So i am going shopping for skinny clothes and I am a bit nervouse because i am going with my boyfriend so i will have to eat something probably... he alwaysmakes me eat. =P so this will be a temporary bump in my fast but hopefully he will be to distracted shopping himself so he wont notice that i dont want to eat.

Maybe I will tell him that i ate before i met him there. ( like he would believe that. )
but idk

on the up side. SKINNY CLOTHES!! yessssss!


I got up around 9:30 and went to the bathrom ,,, (I always go before I weigh myself)
and guess what?!?!

124.4 lbs!!!!

finally I am making some progress. I've been hovering around 126 all summer. This is deffinatly not my lowest weight this summer (*sigh*) but hey. I'll take it.

keeping up with my fast. its almost noon and still nothing.

keep thinking thin ladies!